This page describes some techniques that can be used to overcome passive-aggressive behavior with the help of Habitica.
What is Passive-Aggressive?
Have you ever noticed that tasks that make you feel uncomfortable are often more difficult to accomplish? It’s not necessarily the kind of tasks that frighten you with their difficulty or massiveness. Quite the opposite may be the case.
Try to think of the moment you learn about a new task and you think to yourself that:
- Your boss might have assigned new staff to your department for a routine like this.
- Your boss should have considered that you are overqualified for an assignment like this.
- Your boss might have explained the assignment to you in person rather than passing on a memo.
- Your boss might have been more polite when assigning the task.
- Your boss or colleagues might have been much more verbal in appreciating your previous job before assigning a new task.
- Your boss or colleagues might have remembered that you simply don’t like tasks like this.
- Your boss or colleagues might have asked if you needed any help for this.
- It is too much effort to try to accomplish a task like this because there’s no reward.
- You have some negative experience with tasks like this.
- You might believe you’re just a loser not capable of tasks like this and you’re ashamed of yourself.
You might not even notice in the moment that you are having such feelings, which is why we asked you to think of such a moment.
Having had these kind of thoughts, you accept the assignment without a word – because you’re simply not the one who would argue about trifles like this.
And so you know the task; you know how to handle it; you know the deadline – and everything else you may need. But a day before the deadline you find yourself having done almost nothing about this nasty assignment. "What’s happening?" – You may ask yourself.
It may turn out that being unable or unwilling to express your thoughts and feelings towards a person (your boss, a colleague, or even yourself), you transfer those thoughts and feelings into your attitude towards a task you unconsciously associate with that person.
Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.
Please note: Psychologists also describe passive-aggressive personality disorder as follows:
A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational situations.
If you experience difficulties coping with your emotions or subliminal behavior motivation, you may consider consulting a psychologist. The following hints may help you but shouldn't be considered sufficient!
Habitica is Just the Right Place!
Habitica provides some useful tools to cope with passive-aggressive behavior.
Exploiting your Motivation
All you need to do to accomplish the tasks in question is to separate them from your negative emotions.
- Writing your tasks down is the starting point to separate the task from the person who assigned it to you.
- Thinking of a task as something your avatar should deal with may help you distinguish the task from your own personality and previous experience in general.
- In the spirit of gamification, you can think of your tasks as nasty creatures your avatar is fighting with.
- Remember that you are part of a team—you are responsible not only for your own avatar’s progress, health, and achievements but for helping your whole party.
- Isn’t it fun to get a whimsical flying pig or loyal wolf or your own custom reward after finally accomplishing a task?
Managing your tasks
Tasks in question may often be regarded as an elephant with the frog on its head.
Frogs are something you don’t like and they prevent you from doing your best on the tasks. The longer the frog is sitting on the elephant the larger the elephant becomes. The latter are the tasks that seem too massive to deal with without special preparations, skills, or attitude.
- Build a Habit to deal with frogs first!
- Split up elephants (in your imagination of course) into manageable chunks and have To Do's for major ones:
- Trunk – some initial general information you need in order to start dealing with the task.
- Head and ears – consult other people who have experience with tasks like this, analyze methodologies if needed.
- Legs – basic sub-tasks or sub-projects you need to do in order to accomplish the task.
- Back – systemizing the results of sub-projects and sub-tasks.
- Tail – presenting your work.
- Each part can be subdivided into checklists.
- Please keep in mind that frogs tend to return and jump on various parts of an elephant even after they have been spooked out. So set up a Daily for reviewing your process.
- That’s it! Now you have your own Boss on Habitica – a Frog with an Elephant mount.
Finding a Supportive Group
Habitica offers a wide range of social groups available for anyone who wants to join. Parties and Guilds are the two easiest ways Habiticans can find a supportive community while coping with passive-aggressive behavior.
- Being part of a Party lets you focus on the responsibility at hand rather than how you feel about specific tasks.
- Everyone must pull their weight while on Quests, which can help you separate your To Do's and Habits from personal feelings and more towards a group responsibility.
- Immerse yourself in the Habitica experience and try to look at a completed task as progression within a Quest and more loot for yourself.
- With countless Guilds in Habitica, there is a guild for everyone. If you are looking for people tackling similar problems of passive-aggressive behavior, the Mastering Emotions Guild is a wonderful place to start. There you can find supportive individuals to accompany you along your journey.
- Don't be scared to share your problems with the Habitica community. One of the best ways to fight passive-aggressive behavior is to do it with a group.
- Do Your Hardest Task First (more about frogs on Habitica)
- Getting Things Done with Habitica
- Gamifying Your Lists
- About Passive-aggressive behavior on Wikipedia
- Emotional Intelligence on Wikipedia (read on how to take control your emotions)
- Tips on How to Self-Diagnose Yourself of Passive-Aggressive Behavior