Thread:EverythingCounts/@comment-26328883-20171108140928

Hello=) Please take or leave any of my suggestions. I edit critically but I mean well. I appreciate your work, it is good! -JD ---

> Should it be "inventory items", "item inventory", or "Item Inventory"? I know I had similar thoughts on Rage bar (or whatever;p) but I think it should be "Item inventory". You're describing an inventory, the Item one.

INTRO---

RE: "The inventory holds items related to pets, parties, quests, and gifts for subscribers." - 'related to...quests' could be misinterpreted as collection quest items go here. I was thinking putting "rewards" instead of "items" might clarify however "rewards for pets" sounds weird?

RE: "The inventory also keeps party-related items" - Going to have to believe you here, I've never seen this myself.

RE: "From the inventory a player can cast Transformation items on party members, send cards," - Comma after inventory? (i.e. "From the inventory,") - lower case transformation, I believe, it looks like the cap T is from the title [see the first paragraph of the link] (i.e. "transformation items") - I think "send cards" should be "open cards"? I didn't see a way to send cards from here. I read down and the 2.4 section says open and speaks to that. If you're just looking for different wording, maybe "get cards"? But I don't feel the redundancy is bad.

RE: "Mystery items, gifted to subscribers, appear in the item inventory upon release." - I'm not 100% sure since I don't have any waiting right now, but I'm pretty sure there's a box that you need to click to get the items. So, you might change this wording slightly to imply this...like "...can be attained via the item inventory..."?

RE: "There is no limit to the number of items the inventory can hold, though players are able to sell inventory items" - To me, this is an awkward "though". I don't see the relationship enough to combine these. Seems forced.

RE: "While equipment is also earned ..." - New Paragraph for this?


 * Not related to anything but I wonder if it's worth noting somewhere that when you click Inventory opens the Item inventory.  Maybe that's inferred by " located in the toolbar's Inventory menu"?

PAGE LAYOUT---

RE: "Food and Saddles, Special Items, and" - For me (using the website), "Special Items" shows "Special". If you want to put non-literals (which I'm not as fond of) suggest lower case "items".

RE: "On the website" - Maybe 1 or some screenshots? Aside, I didn't know about sort by so thanks for the learning, it's working:)

RE: "On the iOS app" - Disclaimer: Reviewed for grammar/etc only, I don't have the app.

RE: "Within each category, individual items show their picture, name, and number owned, all in a row, and items in each category are sorted alphabetically." - There's a lot of commas here...but it's readable...

RE: "Most importantly" - Slightly weird phrase to me considering the follow up. To put another way, it didn't seem that important to me, so "most" seemed extreme. Maybe "An important distinction between the two,"? Or something?

ACTIVITIES---

RE: "With items in the inventory, players can perform various actions." - Consider "Players can perform various actions depending on the item in their inventory." instead. As written could be misread as multiple actions can be done on a single item, which I don't think is what you're trying to say.

RE: "Last, players can invite their party to a quest from their inventory." - "Lastly" instead of "Last"? That might be writing style, come to think of it but 2 cents. - General note (but thought of it here), I'm not sure you need to keep saying "from their inventory". I think you established in the first sentence that's what this is about. On reread you say it multiple times, tho not all the time. It struck me here and then reading back I saw it more.

Hatch an Egg---

RE: "A second image of the potion will appear that will follow your pointer around the screen." - Also displays guidance text of what to do, however, maybe unnecessary to say this since if they can read it, they're probably not reading along here?=)

RE: "After you have chosen a potion, you then choose an egg" - Suggest saying "clicked" and "click" here instead of "chosen" and "choose". Initial section "choose a hatching potion" makes sense because you are deciding before you click. As this is written, it's now inferring choose means click IMO, which changes the style. NOTE: The initial "choose" made me balk but I read further and saw what you did. Alternatively, you could change that to have it consistent.

RE: "A purple box will appear" - "border" instead of "box"? - Maybe a good place for a screenshot, that border is really faint. Too bad I didn't notice before I submitted my feedback form;)

RE: "a window will appear" - "modal" instead of "window"? That might be a programming term (maybe not used in wikia?)...I think I've seen it used on github. I may also be confusing it but I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it refers to a in tab (app) popout.

RE: "the potion will return to normal but nothing will happen otherwise." - Suggest "the potion will be unselected and nothing will happen otherwise." I didn't know what return to normal meant until I did it and "and" seems to be appropriate in my suggestion. BTW, I again didn't know how to unselect, I was clicking "Tasks" every time, so learning more=)

RE: "If you have many pets to hatch" - Disclaimer: I read this for grammar/etc, I didn't want to click thru this nor did I want spoilers (as warned).

RE: "While food and saddles are stored in your item inventory, pets cannot be fed or raised into mounts there. To feed your pets, visit the stable." - I'm neutral to the value add of this sentence. While true it borders redundant with the above, given in example. Perhaps I am too used to the site. Maybe seek a second opinion?

Use a Transformation Potion---

RE: "are stored in the Special section of the item inventory." - Per your Q and my A, I believe this should be "Item inventory".

RE: "one party member at a time." - Maybe say "each time" instead of "at a time"? Could be misread as you can only use one potion til it expires. The follow up sentence does add clarity, so I don't feel strongly here.

Open a Mystery Item---

RE: "subscribers will receive a notification in the toolbar. At that point, players can retrieve their new mystery item from the gift box. If you are a subscriber" - This seems to be a step by step how to get the gift without actually saying what to do in your inventory. It does say above, however, it reads kind of out of order to me at that point. I think some redundancy here is warrented, maybe a seperate paragraph denoting it's the whole process. ADDENDUM: "Open a Card" does more what I was thinking (without paragraph break). - It is interesting to me you link toolbar here and not in the page intro (first sentence). I did mull "do people know what this is" when I read the first sentence but though "ehhh everyone knows"...but now I see it linked here, it surprised me=)

Open a Card---

RE: "delivered to the Special section of the item inventory." - Per your Q and my A, I believe this should be "Item inventory".

RE: "a notification will appear in the toolbar" - Less surprising because it's the second time, toolbar is also linked here but missing from the intro. Just commenting for consistency, even tho if anything changes it'll probably be the intro.

RE: "receive an achievement badge." - Maybe add "depending on the card received"? It's true and interesting (IMO), tho maybe not super pertinent. Just a thought.

Start a Quest---

RE: "The item inventory holds a..." - Per your Q and my A, I believe this should be "Item inventory".

RE: "along with the option to invite your party to the quest." - Consider saying "a button to" and maybe quoting the text the button is "Invite Party to Quest"?

RE: "The left panel lists all of your quests, sorted by the number owned" - Secondary sort is order aquired FYI. I found this out the other day and found it extremely confusing as I was looking for a quest and had to basically click thru them all because I couldn't remember the icon:P  I think worth saying.


 * This also may be a good place for a screenshot.  I have one if you need, I recently took it to add to a potential bug post.  Feel free to PM me, I can get you the link.

THE MARKET---

RE: "Eggs and potions are the items most commonly sold. Players usually receive these at a faster rate than they can hatch pets.

Selling food or transformation items is not recommended. Most players will have pets to feed at any given time, meaning food is almost always useful." - I feel like these sentences are opinion based.  I don't even agree with the second one, I have all my pets hatched and over 100 food of each type in my inv.  If you recognize this as opinion based and think it has value, I am neutral, but wanted to say something since I'm not sure its place in a descriptive article (granted I'm very new to editing (and reviewing) here). - If you keep these, these sentences seem to belong in the same paragraph where the "Transformational items..." second sentence in the 4th paragraph seems to be disjoint to me.  This especially sits well with me because then all the opinion is in one paragraph.  Subconsciously (or consciously) anyone who disagrees with the opinion can skip ahead.

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If anything is unclear feel free to ping me. I don't check this regularly (I am as above dislcaimed new to editing) but I check habitica every day so may be faster to PM me there. Thanks again and good work! -JD (joedragons) 